With the right icebreaker, even people who have known each other a long time can find a glimmer or two of newness. Icebreakers offer people an informal way to open up about themselves. They can put people into the right frame of mind for a productive retreat. They help shake off the chill of an early Monday morning meeting. Why are they often the first thing to come out of a packed meeting agenda? Some ideas why:

• "They're a waste of time." Icebreakers don't have to be throwaway questions. An engaging and fun question keeps people from tuning out as soon as they sit down or sign on.
• "I see these people every day. We already know each other." Icebreakers help people connect to each other as human beings with opinions. They can break people out of the boxes or cliques they came in with. There's almost never a right answer to an icebreaker question. Unless of course the question is "what's the best season?" and the correct answer is "Fall" (or "cardamom" if you misunderstand the question).
• "We don't have time for games." Icebreakers can ease folks into working on the hard stuff. Connect the icebreaker to the day or meeting's purpose. This gives people a lower-stakes way think about and engage with the themes ahead.

I group icebreakers into two categories: relationship-building and purpose-building. Sometimes an icebreaker can be both. Here are some ideas for icebreakers that you're free to adapt for your next gathering.

relationship-building questions

(for people getting to know each other)

Preferences/Trivia

• How do you like to treat yourself after a long day (or week)?
• Picture yourself wearing a name tag that says “ask me about (blank).” What would the (blank) be for you?
• Who is a person you admire?
• What's your favorite meme (or emoji)?
• What does this season we’re in (or entering/leaving) symbolize to you?

Introspection/Goals

• What’s an intention you have for the year ahead?
• What’s new in your life this year?
• What’s something you want to help make happen [with this group] this year?
• Who is a person that's been on your mind lately?
• How do you typically learn new things? What is something new you’ve learned recently?
• What’s an experience that shaped how you approach this work (or perceive the world)?

purpose-building questions

(for people to make meaning of the work ahead of them)

Establishing rapport with new groups

• Watch Taiye Selasi's "Don't ask me where I'm from, ask where I'm a local" with the group or send beforehand. Introduce yourself and tell us where you're local to.
• How did you travel to this meeting today?
• What brought you here today?
• What motivated you to sign up (or join / agree to attend)?
• What does [doing this work] mean to you?
• What do you hope it will feel like when we’re done?

Temperature check with a low-trust group or before a weighty topic

• What's a word (or emoji) that represents how you're feeling today?
• Trust is an important part of our work. How do you see or would like to see trust-building happening?
• Share the book 7 Forms of Respect before the meeting or watch this video together. Which of the Forms of Respect feel most important for you to receive right now?'
• Think of a time you felt welcomed (or another group value)—how did that feel? What actions by others allowed you to feel this way?

Deepening the meeting's theme

• For a group of food bank leaders. Describe for us one of your favorite foods. For folks on the call, raise your hand if you have some of the ingredients in that dish at your food bank right now.
• Adhering to group agreements. Review the group agreements together. Which of the agreements do you find the most challenging to keep? Which one is the hardest to notice in yourself or others?
• Keeping group values present. Review the group's values together. Which value do you want to hold or represent throughout this meeting? Which value do you think is most important as we begin this work?
• At the start of a long project. How do you like to celebrate when you achieve something big?
• For groups with a lot of ideas. What would make your participation today meaningful? What do you hope we get done today?

a good closing (icemelters?)

I like to end meetings with another opportunity for group sharing. These questions can help people start to make sense of the time they spent together. Closing actions or commitments can keep momentum going into the next meeting. Here are a few I love using.

• What’s one word you’d use to describe the day (or how you’re feeling)?
• What’s something about our time together that you’d like to acknowledge?
• What’s one action you’d like to take before we meet again?
• What is one topic you think we should address in our next (or a future) meeting?
• As we leave today, what’s something you’re curious about?

Every meeting is about more than the business we discuss. As someone who works from home most days, I relish the in-person time I have with my colleagues. Icebreakers and thought questions can help bridge those moments.

Let your icebreakers be more than wasted air time. Treat your opening activities with meaning and intention. Thank your participants for sharing time and space with each other. Help people find another reason to value their work and the people who do it alongside them.

Milli by Metric opened a year ago and pours some of Chicago’s tastiest coffee. Unlike the company’s tiny first space that only offers scant sidewalk seating, Milli has plenty of tables and strong Wi-Fi, making it an ideal place for remote workers.

Earlier this year, Milli implemented a weekday laptop policy, making the cafe “a laptop-free space” after 2 p.m. on Friday through Sunday, their busiest times of the day. Co-owner Xavier Alexander helped found Metric Coffee in 2013. He tells me Milli was often “covered in laptops” and felt too much like a coworking space instead of a cafe. A cafe can’t survive if multiple customers are squatting at tables for multiple hours and only spending $5 on a single cup of coffee while customers willing to spend more are turned away, Alexander says. After a year of operation, Milli has broken even financially.

“If customers want independent spaces like ours to remain in their neighborhoods, those spaces have to be economically sustainable,” he says. 

Before the cafe opened in 2025, Alexander told me he envisioned a spot for community and conversation. He’s spent a lot of time in New Orleans, and wanted a space to serve wine at night in the same vein as Bacchanal Wine, a wine bar that features a great selection of wine and live music: “That vision was never to create a digital farm filled with rows of people staring at screens,” Alexander says.

He adds that Metric’s not anti-technology or against remote work. They never intended to be a coworking space, even though Milli has taken on a life of its own. But now, Milli’s staff finds itself in the uncomfortable position of enforcing the policy. 

I think many people genuinely don’t understand the economics of operating an independent café

“That emotional labor is real. Baristas should be focused on hospitality and making great coffee, not acting as security guards or negotiating over whether someone has the right to occupy a table indefinitely,” Alexander says. “A clear policy gives our staff something consistent to rely on and lets them know that ownership supports them.”

Laptop policies are something sweeping the nation. New York bakery Librae has labels on tables prohibiting laptops and tablets. Axios reported how New York’s coffee chain Devoción limits laptop use to two hours a day during the week. The same story checked in with Detroit shop Alba, which has banned Wi-Fi since it opened in 2023. So does LDU Coffee in Dallas, and it goes one step further by making the dining rooms of its shops not comfortable to be in for more than the time it takes to drink a coffee, and naming its shops "LDU Coffee To Go" on Google Maps. The ownership of Middle Grounds Coffee in Dallas has also been candid online about the challenges: 

“Our Wi-Fi password is 'BuyAnotherLatte'. Stop squatting on one espresso for six hours, Kevin. We see you. 👀”

By now, everyone knows how work from home surged after the peak of COVID in 2020. Coffee sales dropped, but work from home was a positive as laptoppers helped shops keep afloat. Some shops continue to lean into their roles as places to be productive. Several have installed those phone booth-style spaces so customers can take video calls in private without annoying other folks in the shop.

Still, laptop tendencies aren’t the only threat to cafe culture. As I wrapped up a recent morning visit to Milli, I stood up and noticed a table of two. Their table had filled water bottles and cups of Metric coffee; they were also locked into a day of studying or working. I also spotted a box with the words “Bad Butter” emblazoned on the top. There was nothing covert about this operation, no humility in bringing outside food — the kind of sneaking around one would do when trying to avoid price gouging at movie theaters. Bad Butter is a bakery located 2.5 miles south of Milli. It has no seating and are routinely busy with lines since it opened in April. 

I kind of stood, dumbfounded. I’ve always felt thankful that Chicago is blessed with plenty of cafes where I can grab a great cup of coffee and a croissant. But chatting with so many in the restaurant industry over the years, you notice and worry about whether a business can keep the lights on and pay its workers. Importing another bakery’s chocolate chip banana bread into a cafe that already serves its own baked goods was not respectful.

I decided to share an Instagram post about my experience, and the loudest reactions were from the folks who were justifying bringing in outside food. One follower even ripped the quality of Milli’s pastries, writing that they understood the rationale to sneak in food. Certainly, folks have different opinions on food; however, in August Bon Appétit lauded Milli’s menu. And, I must say, the ham croissant inspired by a Cuban sandwich never misses.

A café is a place of hospitality, but it is not a free coworking facility. There has to be a fair exchange.

“Bringing in outside food makes the impact even more direct. We employ people to bake and cook, and we invest heavily in maintaining a food program,” Alexander adds. “When someone buys a coffee and then eats a meal or pastry purchased elsewhere, they are using our tables, Wi-Fi, electricity, bathrooms, and staff while financially supporting another business.”

Everyone knows the cheapskate at the diner, only ordering a cup of coffee with unlimited refills, the one who stays at his table for an extended period without tipping. In big cities, diners were once a dependable space where people could congregate without spending much money and without alcohol. Everyone deserves access to third spaces, even those without huge bank accounts. But if you’re bringing pastries from another bakery, one where I spent $30 on three pastries on Wednesday morning (Bad Butter’s savory monkey bread is wonderful)… this isn’t that. I’m particularly looking at grad school students cramming for their exams. You’re smart enough to know better, but too buried in your own world to care.

Recent openings have seen bakeries like Chicago’s Bad Butter, Publican Quality Bread, Mindy’s Bakery, and Guillotine Bakery prioritize space in its kitchens so it can have a wholesale business instead of having seats for customers. The owners of Guillotine say that most French pastry shops don’t have coffee programs or seats, and they wanted to bring customers into a distinctively French experience where customers could see kitchen staff make their pastries. Some customers waiting in line often grab a coffee from elsewhere, but finish their drinks before entering.

Also worth mentioning is that part of my discussion with Metric’s Alexander involved chains and private equity. He reasoned that he and Metric co-founder Darko Arandjelovic had leveraged their life savings in establishing the coffee company. They have no investors. But the average customer doesn’t know that and conflates that hard work with that of a coffee shop backed by fat cats. That’s a point that Ravenous’s Amy McCarthy makes in her list of restaurants backed by private equity: “The very nature of private equity also means that it’s very difficult to know which financial overlords have a stake in your favorite fast-casual spot. They’re not beholden to the same legal reporting requirements as publicly traded chains like McDonald’s, and we don’t hear much about what they’re doing until the latest acquisition is announced.”

This confusion only encourages customers to harm local businesses, and that includes having zero concerns about bringing outside food and spending copious amounts of time in their makeshift home office.

“I think many people genuinely don’t understand the economics of operating an independent café,” Alexander says. “They see a cup of coffee that costs $5 or $6, but they don’t see everything that purchase has to support: rent, payroll, health insurance, taxes, utilities, internet, insurance, repairs, equipment, ingredients, cleaning supplies, credit card fees, and the cost of producing the coffee and food itself.”

Alexander and his staff have seen some wacky hijinks over the past year. One customer propped up his laptop on a box and then promptly went to sleep with his head on the table, staying for three hours without buying anything (a photo was shared with Ravenous confirming the incident). Others bring in full meals from other restaurants, believing that purchasing a cup of coffee gives them unlimited access to Milli’s facilities.

“We want people to feel comfortable at Milli, but that comfort cannot come at the expense of other customers or the financial health of the business,” Alexander says. “A café is a place of hospitality, but it is not a free coworking facility. There has to be a fair exchange.”

creepypasta in the form of a forum thread, don’t miss the “what’s new!” at the very end

I've been so busy this month that it feels like it's almost over. Alas. Here are a few things I enjoyed reading this month.

On Quality, by Keyana Sapp

A short essay on the undefinable word "quality" and how we all still know what that means.

A good object is a fossil record of care. Thousands of small selections made by people who could tell the good facts from the bad ones and picked the good, even when not doing so was cheaper or easier. The extra ounce of brass, the second coat of lacquer and the tolerance held a hair tighter than the drawing demanded. Every one of those selections survives for exactly one reason, which is that somebody with power over the object gave a shit.

Before You Decide, Decide How You'll Decide, by DeEtta Jones

Y'all know I love writing and reading about decision-making. This straightforward essay shows us why it's so important to create a sandbox for each decision we make together.

Decision criteria are an agreement — the short list of standards every option gets measured against. Set them deliberately, and in advance, and the decision becomes defensible, repeatable, and shared. Leave them implicit, and something else decides for you: the loudest voice in the room, the newest worry, or simply the most polished case.

My Corvid Friends-to-Be, by Jennifer S. Holland

Most people don't think about corvids as songbirds except to hate on their singing. But corvidae is a family: from the crows in my region, to the grackles of my hometown, to the ravens of the east, and so many more. I think corvids are in the running for most intelligent beings on earth. I'm not about to get on their bad side.

Not just because they can talk, crows and their ilk, including ravens and magpies, are known to be super intelligent. From a long-term study done at the University of Washington in the 2000s, we know they recognize human faces and even remember for years the faces of those who treated them badly early on. The results were hard to dismiss: While banding birds for research, students wore a particular rubber mask that the birds learned to associate with the irritation of being caught. For years after, the banded birds would punish people in the “bad guy” mask, forming small mobs and loudly scolding, and ignore people wearing other kinds of masks. Remarkably, the offspring of those original birds learned to dislike the same masked face and would join their elders in shaming the wearer.

Mexico City's Utopias, by Ashwin Ravikumar

Jamie shared this article with me about the incredible community centers, called UTOPIAs, that dot the borough of Iztapalapa. The Units for Transformation and Organization for Inclusion and Social Harmony cost relatively nothing to run, but they exceed most people's idea of what public works could be. But why shouldn't a planetarium, a zoo—an animatronic dinosaur park??—occupy the commons? I'd suggest it's a better use of land than a golf course.

Imagine that in the poorest neighborhoods of Detroit, Atlanta, and Chicago, you could find a public park with glistening swimming pools, world-class sports and recreation facilities, and spectacular landscape architecture rather than vacant lots. If you are a single mother, rather than being forced to lug your clothes blocks away to pay to wash your clothes, you can come to a public, well-maintained, space to do your laundry for free while you eat delicious food grown at the agroecological garden nearby. Meanwhile, your children can learn how to swim, attend workshops on how to grow food in the city, hit up the planetarium to learn how Mayan Cosmology relates to the Big Bang, hang out at the skate park, or take a guitar lesson.

Wild Oysters Make a Comeback in Maine, by Kirsten Lie-Nielsen

Oysters: one of my all-time favorite proteins. They are the filter-feeding keystone of the coastal ecosystem. The most I've eaten in an evening is 52. One Maine oyster farmer in particular was in the news for not-great reasons. Perhaps, like me, you think an essay about oysters heading back home to Maine sounds like a fun read. Enjoy!

Pickers can be salty characters, some of the last true foragers of the coast. They spend long days on the mud flats at low tide, bent over holes that they dig with specialized rakes, seeking out soft-shell clams, the most commonly harvested shellfish in Maine. They often gather wild oysters too; the stationary creatures can be a relief to find as they only need to be pried off the rocks exposed at low tide, rather than dug out of the thick mud.

Twenty-three years ago, I found myself next to a hospital bed. My mother was on it and on life support. The doctor entered the room and painted a bleak picture; and I said to him: I know, I know, it’s serious. After hours of sitting by the bed, watching my mother and the machine that kept her alive, a nurse recommended that I take a break and give my mind a little distraction. I decided to watch a movie. I left the hospital, walked down to the Egyptian Theater, bought a ticket, took a seat, and the movie, Alejandro González Iñárritu’s 21 Grams, opened with Sean Penn in a hospital room and on life support. I did not know whether to laugh or cry. Wherever you are, death is always there. 

I bring this little story up because it expresses how closely my life is tied to the Egyptian, which temporarily closed its doors in 2024 after a pipe broke and flooded the theater. It then permanently closed in 2025 when SIFF decided not to renew its 10-year lease of the space. Though a few events have occurred at the Egyptian since its closure, it’s been mostly dead: closed doors, dark windows, empty displays for movie posters. But that might change in the near future.

A group called WFLM Seattle is in the process of closing a deal with Seattle College, the owners of the Egyptian Theater, that would bring it back to life, back to reality. A member of this group, Ben Redder, says they are on the verge of finalizing the lease. (Seattle College informed me that it will make the deal public as soon as it is signed by both parties.)

“We’ve been in talks with Seattle College since mid-February,” says Redder over the phone. “We started WFLM for the purpose of taking over the Egyptian. We made a plan. Got supporters. But we’ve already screened a documentary there about Lenny Wilkins, three-time NBA Hall of Famer, at the theater. It was a big success. His family was in attendance. There were several NBA Hall of Famers there, too. This happened in August, and it sold out. So it was only natural to take the next big step. Get a lease and program shows.” 

When the deal is done, WFLM, which includes Elias Savage, Scotty Wright, and Lenna Hed, plans to model the new Egyptian’s programming along the lines of Santa Ana’s Frida Cinema, which basically screens the best of the best and the best of the worst films. WFLM will not, like Tasveer Film Center, which replaced Columbia City’s Ark Lodge Cinema earlier this year, show first-run movies, but stick to repertory flicks, crowd pleasers, and forgotten gems. WFLM also wants to bring back midnight movies, which were once a key component of Capitol Hill nightlife.   

“The theater is nearly in immaculate shape,” says Redder, who was assistant manager at the Cinerama until 2020 (when it closed due to Covid). After working at Scarecrow Video for two years, he became the general manager of Cinerama when SIFF took over the theater in 2023, but he was laid off in June 2025. “[The Egyptian] just needs some touch-ups here and there. Maybe some paint on a few walls. So, we’ll need a little time to make some improvements, make sure the equipment is working. If all goes well, we hope to be up and running by the end of the year.” And so it is. Life does sometimes conquer death.

The post Seattle Group Finalizing Deal to Reopen the Egyptian Theater  appeared first on The Stranger.