Every so often, my Muay Thai gym Five Points Academy invites a trainer from Thailand to spend a few months with us, something like an informal residency. These guys are the real deal, often legends in the sport, who help run our fight team and make some extra money offering private lessons on the side.
There’s Arjun Jud, the coach who developed a young Buakaw into a hardbodied world champion and arguably the most famous fighter outside of Thailand. There’s Kongnapa Watcharawit, a golden era legend and icon of the sport—and maybe my favorite pad holder ever. Here’s a clip from my last fight camp way back in 2024.
And lately I’ve been splitting privates with my friend Ray, training once a week with Omnoi Suttamueang, a kinda mysterious but technical southpaw who is always yelling at me to “relax” (or sabai sabai). For New Yorkers who are fueled largely by anxiety and adrenaline this is obviously easier said than done.
Anyway: I had a private with Omnoi last week that was no-joke a disaster. My timing was garbage. He was smacking me in the head with pads whenever my guard was loose. I felt tight, like my neurons were firing at random and my limbs were operating on a different frequency from my brain.
I consider myself a decent learner, someone who can take directions and apply that information to the task at hand with minimal correction, but for whatever reason that morning I was just off. I knew it. He definitely knew it. And so my suck just kind of went unsaid, thickening the air between us. I learned recently that I am an Enneagram 3w2 (lmao), and that Omnoi was getting frustrated with my inability to pick up easy shit was no bueno for my more people-pleasing tendencies. (That I was paying money for the experience of feeling like I was trash certainly didn’t help.)
I walked out of the private that morning a little discombobulated, and I had to remind myself that friction is where the best learning happens; where your brain actually gets rewired, creating actual space to improve.
It’s something I’ve been thinking about while reading the 2021 book The Comfort Crisis: Embrace Discomfort To Reclaim Your Wild, Happy, Healthy Self by the journalist and author Michael Easter, whose podcast is also on Kaleidoscope and is a good hang at a party.
The crux of the book is that our world is designed to minimize friction, thanks largely to modern conveniences like our phones—which can summon dinner, Ubers, people to date, and any song we want with a few taps, and in that easiness, we’re losing essential to who we are.
What I like about the book is it isn’t some floaty argument for going trad; it’s grounded in science, and acknowledges that the world is a better place than it was even a few decades ago.
Still, compared to our ancestors,
“…we don’t have to deal with discomforts like working for our food, moving hard and heavy each day, feeling deep hunger, and being exposed to the elements. But we do have to deal with the side effects of our comfort: long-term physical and mental health problems.
We lack physical struggles, like having to work hard for our livelihoods. We have too many ways to numb out, like comfort food, cigarettes, alcohol, pills, smartphones, and TV. We’re detached from the things that make us feel happy and alive”
And, somewhat relatedly, I found this line particularly striking:
“…as we experience fewer problems, we don’t become more satisfied. We just lower our threshold for what we consider a problem.”
HEAVIES was built on the idea that we do the hard thing in order to become better versions of ourselves. Resilience is kind of a goofy overused word that gives some people the ick, but in steeling ourselves and resisting the causes championed by tech companies that want to pave our brains smooth, we’re adhering closer to a more honest, and hopefully less anxious version of ourselves.
So of course doing the hard thing sucks. And learning how to suck at something: that’s a skill issue. Whether that’s surfing, golf, knitting, Eurostepping, camping in the woods, learning French, or in my case devoting many hours a week to be mid at a combat sport at age 41, it’s in our best interest to feel out of our depth.
Recognizing that is important, I think. Seeking out opportunities to be a beginner at something, no matter how old we are or how old we feel. Learning to be comfortable in discomfort. It’s something I’m still working on.
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